Harder Than I Thought

Today I did something that was a little tougher than it should have been. I let go of a grudge and sent a word of encouragement to my husband's ex wife. Seeing how hard this was for me made me realize that forgiving others is something I really need to work on in my personal journey. If God can forgive me so easily, why can't I forgive others?

Here's a little back story: What she put my husband and stepchildren through before I met them (and even after we met) was in my mind unexcusable and therefore unforgiveable. I'm not going to go into details but to this day she really knows how to push both my husband's and my buttons. A couple months ago she sent me a friend request on a social networking site and it took me a while to decide whether or not I would accept it. She rarely spoke to her children and could be downright rude and spiteful to my husband and me. I knew my husband would have told me to deny it. I sat and thought about how my stepchildren were growing up without their birth mother in their life and, for them, decided to accept her request. I then immediately sent her a message:

I know that things haven't always been exactly cordial between us in the past but I decided to accept your friend request. I understand that there was a troubled past and to this day, issues continue to rise but I have heard that you are trying to make things better so I respect that, especially for the children. One thing I do ask is that you try to patch up the relationship you have with them by contacting them. While my husband and I give them all the love we can, they are still affected by their relationship with you. Whether they are affected negatively or positively is entirely up to you. It may take a while to patch things up with them because it has been 5 years but if you continue on a regular basis to speak with them, then they will see that you are serious about building a relationship with them. They are strong but deep down I can still see how hurt they are and it affects each one individually...

I then included the times she could call. We eventually established communication but before she had the chance to actually talk to the children, her boyfriend was in an accident that paralyzed him. She left everything; her job, her apartment, to be by his side while he is in the hospital in another state. Apparently, no one else has been to the hospital to see him. She has sent a few brief messages asking me to tell the children that she loves them and until today I just blew them off, just as she did to her children in the past. I am so ashamed to admit that now. I was still holding that ugly grudge. In my mind I was thinking, "Why should I let it go and show her sympathy after everything she's done to my family?" The answer hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm no saint either. I've had some pretty low points in my past to the point that I didn't even recognize myself or the fact that I was even a Christian, and here I am, judging this woman like I was so much better than her. I may be in a better place now in my life and in my faith but that does not give me the right to judge her. If God can forgive all my ugly faults and past, then surely I can let go and give her a chance.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 KJV